I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
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If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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