just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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