That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
