New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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