you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Found your dick twin last night
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Randomize
