I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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