Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
We are two peas in an std pod
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
