Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
