The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Randomize
