This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Randomize
