I'm jealous of your bromance
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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