oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
