i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
