Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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