That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
