I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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