Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
