I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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