Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
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