We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
