The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
