i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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