peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Randomize
