I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
