I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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