Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
