can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
