Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
