I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
