If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
The best revenge is premature balding
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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