dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
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