Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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