I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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