oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
