I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
