He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
