I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
