He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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