omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
