Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
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I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
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I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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