Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
i've created a new STD.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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