And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
