somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Randomize
