the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
