a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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