I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
where does the pee come out of this thing
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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