1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
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