I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
This is the prime rib incident all over again
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
