Don't you send me to vm
...so i touched it.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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