Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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