apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
