News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
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