this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
