i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
