I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
