Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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