Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
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