I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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