When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
