Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
i think my cat just said my name.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
where are my eyebrows?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
