My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
this just has baby written all over it
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
