My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
