Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Just high enough for therapy.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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