I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
