Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
