Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
