i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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