Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Randomize
