Ambien. No doubt about it.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
