I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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