Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
