I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
