She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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