wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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