So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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