Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Randomize
