This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
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my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
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Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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